The Reason I'm Grateful for that "Time of the Month"

For many women, their monthly cycle is often the bane of their existence. Days may be spent on the couch with abdominal cramping, bloating, and just overall physical and mental fatigue. However, because of my experience with my eating disorder (or “ED”), I’ve learned to be grateful every month when Mother Nature knocks on my door (at least most of the time).

From the time that I was in the first or second grade, I remember hating my body. I felt as though I was bigger than the other girls in my class and swore off wearing things like jeans or leggings because I disliked the way my legs looked in them. I obsessively compared myself to my classmates, women I saw in magazines, on TV, or in movies, and I made internal wishes that my body would someday look like theirs. I would receive my Seventeen magazine subscription (yes, I read this magazine at the ripe age of 9) and immediately flipped to the workout or diet section and read about how I could achieve my “dream body.” Once I reached middle school, things really escalated. I began to exercise more and more and eat less and less. I wanted to shrink myself and become the smallest person I could be. By the time I was 12, I was officially diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.

My first period came along when I was 11 years old, yet I never experienced a regular cycle. This, however, can be common for girls in early menstruation.1 Within the first year or two of beginning her menstrual cycle, a female may go several months without having another period which is termed as an anovulatory cycle. This means that the body has yet to settle into a regular monthly pattern. Over time, however, cycles should become shorter and more predictable.2 Due to my ED behaviors and the weight loss that I experienced, my body never settled into this monthly routine.

Over the next 6 years, I was without a period completely. And in more scientific terms, I had hypothalamic amenorrhea (HA). This disorder occurs when menstruation stops for reasons involving the hypothalamus, a tiny little pea-sized gland located on the undersurface of the brain. This gland may be small but is responsible for so many vital functions of the body including regulating body temperature and emotional responses, maintaining daily physiological cycles, controlling appetite, and releasing hormones.3 During times where either nourishment coming into the body is scarce or is restricted, the body has to prioritize the fuel it does receive by giving it to the functions that are essential to life. Physiological processes like growth and reproduction are put on the back burner in order for fuel to be conserved for more important things like breathing and keeping the heart beating. Hormonal disturbances can occur, and HA develops when secretion of corticotropin-releasing hormone and adeno-corticotropin hormone increase and result in the reduction of GnRH secretion (the hormone that causes the ovaries to produce estrogen and progesterone).4 Therefore, the body becomes unable to produce enough estrogen to generate a regular cycle.

But why are periods so important in the first place??

Well, periods serve as the fifth vital sign for women, just like your pulse, temperature, respiration rate and blood pressure. Having a regular cycle is a huge indicator of women’s health. Everything from regularity (or irregularity), heaviness of the flow, and associated pain and symptoms can give women insight into a variety of health conditions they may be experiencing. The absence of period, or HA, is associated with a long list of negative health outcomes including osteoporosis, osteopenia, fertility and pregnancy issues, peptic ulcers, endometrial cancer, elevated triglycerides and cholesterol, impaired growth and maturation, psychiatric disturbances, and memory and concentration impairment.5

I’ll be honest. When I was very deep into my ED, I didn’t care about the health consequences the doctors, therapists, and dietitians spouted at me. Actually, let me rephrase that. My eating disorder didn’t care about the health consequences. It wanted me to continue the self-deprecating cycle of over-exercising, under-eating, and then lying about it to those that cared about me. Deep down, I felt so broken. My body was malfunctioning and that scared me about the future and whether or not I would be able to have kids. Would I be able to get pregnant? Would I be able to carry my child to full-term? I carried this feeling of brokenness for a very long time.

Fast forward to college and everything changed. I had left the toxic environment of high school and had moved to a new state to begin my freshmen year of college. I loved it and loved the people around me. I decided to get out of my comfort zone and join my school’s rowing team. Frankly put, between school and sports, I barely had enough time for my ED. I was eating more to fuel my body for the amount of work I was putting in the boat, on the erg (that weird rowing machine you’ve seen sitting in the corner of your local gym), and in strength and conditioning sessions, as well as all the walking I was doing around campus. I became less stringent with my exercise schedule, either because of rowing practices, schoolwork deadlines, or in fear of missing out of what my friends were doing. Throughout this time, I put on muscle and became more confident in my body. Although my eating disorder voice was still there and would sometimes scream at the top of its lungs at me, over time it got quieter and quieter. My own voice became louder and louder, and I would talk back if the ED voice tried to derail me from all the progress I was making and the fun I was having.

I learned more about my body’s reproductive cycle and how significant of a role nutrition played in having a regular and healthy period. Why hadn’t I learned any of this in any of my sex ed classes in high school? This prompted me to find out as much information as I could – not only to help myself and get my cycle back, but also to share my struggles and spread the message of women having a right to this knowledge about their own bodies. During my pursuit, I read several books such as “No Period. Now What?” by Nicola J. Rinaldi, PhD, as well as “The Fifth Vital Sign” by Lisa Hendrickson-Jack (highly recommend both!). I implemented many of their strategies, while continuing to fuel my body adequately and taking more time to rest my body from physical activity. In this time, I fell in love with the power of nutrition and decided to change my major to dietetics with the hopes of becoming a dietitian.

And then it happened one day. I remember being in the bathroom and just looking down in disbelief. No way this could be happening! After almost 7 years, I had my period. It was a mix of emotions. Feeling triumph in getting what I had so desperately wanted and what I felt made me a woman, but also mourning my past life and the disordered and broken girl I used to be.  

In the ensuing months, Mother Nature continued to show up on my doorstep, sometimes earlier than scheduled and sometimes later, but I can proudly say that for the past 2 years it’s been a monthly routine.

It’s funny looking back on it all now because I was such an introverted and isolated individual in adolescence due to my eating disorder. Now I am this outgoing and strong individual and that person I used to be in those younger years feels so foreign. And while it took a long time for me to accept recovery and become the person I am today; it is worth more than any promise my ED ever tried to sway me with.

If not having a regular cycle (or the absence of one) is something you are dealing with, whether it be from an eating disorder, stress, or another associated condition, reaching out to a qualified professional that specializes in this area is the first step to period recovery.

 

Contributed by 2021 Focus Integrative Centers Staff Intern

Citations

1. Miller RR, ed. Irregular periods (for teens) - nemours kidshealth. KidsHealth. https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/irregular-periods.html. Published December 2018. Accessed November 10, 2021.

2. Mayo Clinic Q and a: Irregular periods can be common at first. Mayo Clinic. https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/mayo-clinic-q-and-a-irregular-periods-can-be-common-at-first/. Accessed November 10, 2021.

3. An overview of the hypothalamus - endocrineweb. https://www.endocrineweb.com/endocrinology/overview-hypothalamus. Accessed November 10, 2021.

4. Meczekalski B, Katulski K, Czyzyk A, Podfigurna-Stopa A, Maciejewska-Jeske M. Functional hypothalamic amenorrhea and its influence on women's health. Journal of endocrinological investigation. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4207953/. Published November 2014. Accessed November 11, 2021.

5. Podfigurna A. Functional Hypothalamic Amenorrhea: A stress-based disease. July 2021.

 

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